Hello friends. I'm sure many of you noticed that:
- I've barely been committing anything the last few months, and
- I'm not even in the Violet Moon discord server.
I'm just going to rip off the bandaid here and say that right now my interest in modding is at an all time low. For what it's worth, I think this comes as no surprise to anyone paying attention.
So, why and what next?
Well, firstly, I think it's been the continual efforts to push through burnout for several years in a row now that have done my passion for the medium in. Doing the same thing for close to 14 years now (especially when you started as a child) isn't exactly great for you, less so when you continually ignore your body's demands. But that's something that can mostly be mitigated, hopefully.
No, I think the main issue here is that shit's just been a bit of a mess in here, honestly.
I don't really want (or feel I have to) to go into excruciating detail about my personal life, but it's frankly been a whole lot of nothing. Several health problems stop me from doing things I like in the frequency I like doing them, and in a way that's also gotten to the domepiece to the point where my daily allocation of spoons for everyday tasks is equally at an all time low. This doesn't really contribute to the wanting to work on mods either.
Not to mention the thing that's there to greet me is probably one of the most labor intensive ports in the last few years in 1.21. That is also not a very helpful event.
Anyway. This post is mostly off the top of the head. No wording revisions or PR speak here, I'm just getting shit out - cans that have been kicked down for several months as I couldn't figure out how best to get them out, so it's just going out like this.
What's next?
Not sure, really. I'm just kinda going through things day by day because I'm kinda at the whims of what my own body and axiety decide to sic on me on any given day. Not much to do where I live either which is a great combo with having to make plans to go somewhere to do stuff. Oh well.
Looking at shit happening, be it problems in the world, interpersonal feuds, anything thats negatively charged hasn't been too great for my psyche. I've found myself snapping and spiraling easily. This is mainly why you see me in my own corner and not in more public and accessible places. The world is too loud and I need a bottle (not literally, I'm allergic to alcohol).
Maybe I'll stream a bit but don't really expect much consistency, I just need something to keep me occupied and something to give me some motivation to actually live and not just stay in bed, you know? I find some motivation every now and then to do some producutive things (I've been helping out with guides on the gbf wiki, thats neat), but it's fleeting and volatile. Nothing I can really build anything on unfortunately.
What's next (but like for modding)?
I dunno man. That's something that barely permeates my head sponge these days because any thought of it just reminds me of how useless I've become. Ask the other team members, they all have their own plans.
If you mean from me, ask again in a few months to a year probably.
That's all I got. I'll be fine, it's just been a bad year or two and I'm sure I'll bounce back once I'm ran through the wringer of the portuguese healtcare system (at least it's free) and have had a few appointments with my psychaitrist. You know the deal.
Happy (late) new year all.